Never Say Never

Every time that my mama gives advice I listen, and ever since I was little, she's warned me countless times to, "Never say never." I don't remember when this small nugget of advice first took up residence in my mind, but I do remember the many times I've ignored it and said "the word" out loud, only to begin eating that same word days, weeks, and sometimes even years later. I will never get over him. I will never make it through this semester. I will never survive my first year of teaching. I will never live through a class with "that kid." Don't get me wrong. I'm a woman of my word. What is integrity without following through with everything you say? So I make it a point to try my best to do everything I say I will do. But the word, "never," still slips out sometimes.

This word, "never," packs such a punch that matches my emotions at times that I feel I MUST use it because at those times...it's all there is. It's a rope tightly wound around my heart...you can almost feel the constriction and... it's perfect. And it's also final.

My most recent: I will never blog. I made my very declarative statement back when online journals first began and held tightly to it. I couldn't figure out why others wanted to post their thoughts online for complete strangers to read. How could they bare their souls like that? And then I realized I was a complete hypocrite. I preach to my English students all the time that words are powerful enough to hold their thoughts and that they should never be ashamed to write them down for others to see. If I believe that, then I can write a blog.

And so I'm glad that sometimes I don't always do what I say I will do (or won't do). I won't give up the word "never" entirely, though. There are statements to which I can attach the word "never" and know with all my being that I will never have to take those words back. I will never stop loving. I will never stop dreaming. Jesus will never stop loving me. And I will never stop chasing hope.