Running Away

I've been running a lot the past few months. Not the type of running where you strap on the nice pair of Nikes and feel-better-about-yourself-when-you're-dripping-sweat-running. The kind of running that gets you nowhere but keeps you away from everything you don't want to think about. At the rate I've been going, you would have thought I would have reached something by now, but strangely enough, all I reached was the realization that I hate figuratively running as much as I hate literally running. It's exhausting mentally, and it doesn't make me feel better about myself at the end like the "real" thing does.

What I've been running away from is my dream. My dream, simply put, is writing things that matter.

I'm terrified to write for some reason, however, which is why I only have two posts on my blog. My first obstacle happened in late August when my PawPaw died; I knew the minute I started letting the words flow again, I would speak of him. My best friend was now gone. I couldn't come to terms with the fact that I hadn't been successful in making everyone in my life meet this amazing man before he left this earth. I was devastated that everyone I was going to love hereafter was not going to even have the possibility to know him. I couldn't begin to put those words on paper or in cyberspace because I could not even accept them in my heart.

But I have to stop running and stand still for a while. I'm missing so much in my attempt to leave it all behind. And I have great people willing to stand still with me and help me figure it out...so the running shoes are coming off.